Agatha H and the Siege of Mechanicsburg Read online

  “Ideally,” Lucrezia muttered, “I would just destroy this body now while I still have control.”

  Zola blinked. “That’s ideally?”

  Lucrezia was obviously thinking about something else, but a part of her blithely chatted on. “Of course. Now that my priestesses have my Summoning Engine working, all they need to do is call me into some other suitable vessels. I’ve managed to expand the operating parameters so I should have ever so many more choices now. Destroying the part of me that’s occupying this wretched girl won’t destroy me at all. Not even close. Redundancy allows one to be much more relaxed about sacrificing individual iterations.”5 She frowned, “But . . . but in this calling, I have gained valuable information. Killing this girl before I have had a chance to pass it on . . . ” She shook her head and, once again, focused her full attention on Zola. “Luckily, I won’t have to go through the whole ‘summoning’ rigmarole with you, dear.” She smiled reassuringly and patted the machine’s carapace. “That wouldn’t help me at all in this situation. The new calling would have none of the knowledge I have gained in this body. No, instead I can simply use this lovely old toy of mine to copy myself from this troublesome girl into you. Then I will kill her.” She smiled at Zola. “After that, I shall rendezvous with the Sturmhalten hive, round up a few more suitable girls, and then give myself all the important information over tea. Yes, that sounds perfect. I think I’ll have those little jam sandwiches. I’ve really missed them . . . ”

  “No.”

  Zola’s quiet but emphatic statement caused Lucrezia to laugh with delight. She regarded Zola with genuine amusement. “Oh, I do so love a truly defiant subject! They’re so much fun! If only I had the time to do it right!”

  Zola kept talking. “It won’t work, auntie. If you try to force yourself into my brain, you’ll suffer rezzok tig-zaffa.”

  Lucrezia’s hilarity cut off as if a switch had been thrown. Zola nodded, “That is what your Geisterdamen call mutual brain death, yes?”

  Lucrezia scowled. “I see you are very well informed, aren’t you?”

  Zola nodded. “Yes, I am. All those years ago? When you sent the Geisterdamen here to build your machines and hunt for your daughter Agatha? Some of those priestesses began to question the divinity of the great goddess they served so blindly. They began to think, to ask questions, and to see you for the fraud you are.”

  Lucrezia’s slap threatened to dislocate Zola’s jaw. “FRAUD?” Lucrezia’s fury was palpable. “How dare you! You know nothing! NOTHING!” She reached overhead and brought down a headset encrusted with components, then slammed it down on Zola’s head. “I shall simply blast your mind from your body and rebuild your neural pathways!”

  “You can’t,” Zola screamed from under the helmet. “Just like you can’t use the Geisterdamen! For pity’s sake, listen to me!”

  Lucrezia—a live, sparking cable in her hand—paused. Zola continued. “Mother found your Loremistress Milvistle. She jumped at the chance to study such a high-ranking Geister. She learned everything Milvistle knew. One of the things she learned was how to block you, if you ever came back and tried to pull just this sort of nonsense. Even if you brainwashed me to the point where I wanted to sacrifice myself, I couldn’t let you take me over.” She peered out at Lucrezia. “And it would get very messy. Go on, test me. Run a blue phase engram alignment. I’ll wait.”

  Zola could see Lucrezia’s fury rising. Now was her chance. “But! I can let you ride along inside my head! I can tell you how to do the modifications that will let you get out of here, if you’ll stop menacing me long enough to actually listen.”

  Lucrezia stared at her and then carefully put down the cable. “Good heavens, dear. You seriously did intend to help me? But why didn’t you say so?”

  Zola simply glared at her. Lucrezia shrugged. “Oh, I know. Working with family really can be infuriating. Fine. I’m listening.”

  Zola nearly sagged with relief. “About time. So . . . You want the Heterodyne girl dead? I am all for that. But unless you work with me, you’ll lose everything you’ve learned here. Including everything you’ve just learned from me about the family.”

  Lucrezia slowly tapped her finger. “Do get to the point, dear.”

  Zola licked her lips. “Just what I said. I can let you in—you can share my mind—”

  Lucrezia slapped the bench. “Share my power, you mean. I do see where this is going, you presumptuous little—”

  “Precisely. I want to play too. Now, the Order has been very busy while you’ve been away. They have gone to a lot of trouble to set me in place as the lost Heterodyne heir. Their plan has gone wrong in every possible way, but it has its good points. Together, we can still make it work.”

  Lucrezia growled. “Those fools in the Order with their stupid, shortsighted ‘plans.’ I knew I should have killed half of them years ago. The difficulty was in deciding which half.”

  Zola felt a flash of sympathy. “Fools, yes, but most of them are still loyal to you.”

  “Oh lucky, lucky me.”

  “But the family—”

  Lucrezia smiled. “Oh hush, dear, I already know everyone is plotting against me. But, purely by accident, you might have a valid argument.” As she said this, Lucrezia removed the helmet, then wheeled over an alarming-looking device that consisted primarily of a number of loaded syringes—which were all aiming at Zola’s head. Lucrezia picked up a switchbox and the device lit up and flexed slightly. A drop of solution fell next to Zola’s hand and a wisp of acrid smoke puffed upwards.

  Lucrezia studied a small screen. “Now, lie to me. Just for calibration purposes, darling. Are you male?”

  “Yes.”

  Lucrezia nodded. “Good enough.”

  Zola jerked in her seat. “What? No, it isn’t. To properly calibrate—”

  ”Boring,” Lucrezia sang out. “Just stick to the truth, darling. It’s usually easier to remember, anyway.” Zola stared back at her. “Is Klaus Wulfenbach really the ruler of Europa?”

  “The Baron? Yes! Yes he is!”

  “And everyone accepts this?”

  Zola stared fixedly at the needles above her. “The Fifty Families don’t like it, but no one can resist him.”

  Lucrezia sighed nostalgically. “I can believe that. And his empire—it’s stable?”

  Zola paused. “He’s done nothing but expand it for the last sixteen years. He’s never had to deal with the problems of stability, per se.”

  Lucrezia sighed. “That impossible man. He’s too good a piece to lose.” She nudged the syringe rack away with a foot. “All right, my dear, lucky for you, I simply must stay. We have a bargain.”

  Zola allowed herself to relax back against the chair. She heard Lucrezia humming to herself as she began fiddling with a device on one of the work benches. She frowned. “Um . . . Auntie? Aren’t you going to release me?”

  “All in due time, darling.”

  Several minutes later, Lucrezia swept over lugging a complicated device that trailed several wiry cables behind her. She hooked it to the helmet and once again placed it on Zola’s head. “There we go,” she said cheerfully. “Now obviously I’ve had to make a few modifications, but this old equipment should prove quite adequate.” When she was satisfied, she placed another helmet on her own head and hooked up several more wires. Several lights came on and she nodded in satisfaction.

  Zola spoke up, sarcasm thick in her voice. “Is there anything you need me to do?”

  Lucrezia considered this and flipped a knife switch. Instantly a surge of power ripped through both women, causing Zola to gasp and driving Lucrezia to her knees. As abruptly as it began, the power cut off. Lucrezia took a deep breath and lifted the helmet from her head. “Try not to pass out?”

  The girl in the chair stirred and her eyes flicked open. “Ooh,” said Lucrezia from Zola’s own mouth, with Zola’s own voice. “This does feel different.”

  The first Lucrezia leaned over and gently tapped her forehead with
Agatha’s finger. “And is our dear little niece still in there?”

  “Yes, she’s here.” Lucrezia/Zola frowned. “It’s a bit odd . . . this head feels wrong.”

  Lucrezia/Agatha giggled as she began releasing the chair’s restraints. “Hardly surprising, dear, it is wrong. Whatever else I will say about my daughter Agatha, she is a very comfortable fit.”

  Lucrezia/Zola levered herself out of the chair and stretched. She frowned. “Oh. I’m getting some of her surface thoughts.” She looked pensive. “She’s . . . gloating?”

  Suddenly Zola froze; her eyes widened with astonished admiration. “Good heavens, Auntie! You got the Baron with a slaver wasp?”

  The Lucrezia-within-Agatha rocked back. “What! How—?”

  Zola’s eyes opened even wider. “Oooh, and that’s why no one’s ever been able to find the Citadel of Silver Light! Amazing! It explains so much!”

  “Get out of those memories,” Lucrezia screamed. “Lucrezia, darling, are you even still in there? Fight her off!”

  Zola shrugged. “Oh, she’s trying, but she can’t.”

  Lucrezia rushed forward, a heavy wrench held high, but Zola pivoted smoothly and drove a foot into Lucrezia’s midriff. “The family has had years to prepare for your inevitable reappearance and Loremistress Milvistle was ever so much help!” She smirked down at the gasping Lucrezia and tapped her forehead. “My copy of you is now safely ensnared in a neural trap where I can sift through your precious secrets at my leisure.”

  Lucrezia snarled in outrage, “You said you wanted to help me!”

  Zola looked contrite. “That’s true.” Her expression changed to one of hurt surprise, “And yet— Oh dear. I see that you planned to vivisect me the minute you got your information back to your other selves. Oh, Auntie, really.”

  Lucrezia screamed with rage and tried to climb to her feet. Zola casually swept them out from under her. “Don’t worry, darling, I’ll keep my end of the bargain. A version of you will make it out of here. Your plans will go ahead beautifully. And no one, not even your other selves, will ever suspect that I’m the one in control.” She smiled sweetly and drew her pistol. “Now, as we agreed, it’s time for Agatha Heterodyne to die. Then I can take my time with those three fools you so conveniently locked up for me . . . ” A peculiar look crossed Zola’s face. “Wait . . . I’m getting . . . ” She looked at Lucrezia blankly. “You only found two? No, there were three. Violetta and Gil . . . ” Her eyes widened. “That means you missed—” She jerked back in surprise, which is why when Tarvek dropped from where he’d been hiding in the rafters, the cudgel he swung viciously at her head only cracked firmly across her wrist. Zola’s pistol spun away as she shrieked in pain and surprise. Tarvek was about to finish her off when he saw, from the corner of his eye, Lucrezia diving for the pistol.

  Without hesitation, he swung his foot against her jaw, sending her crashing into a bank of machinery.

  “Tarvek,” Lucrezia cried, “Don’t be a fool! Aid me! I am the Agatha girl!”

  Tarvek rolled his eyes even as he dived for the gun. A jar of desiccated leeches shattered against his side and his hand missed the pistol by scant centimeters.

  Zola followed. “Don’t listen to her, Prince Sturmvoraus! She’s the Other! We have to stop her!”

  A small machine smashed into Zola’s forehead, stopping her dead in place.

  Lucrezia followed, doing a full body dive for the gun. “If I die, your precious Agatha dies too! You dare not work against me!”

  A wheeled tea cart caught her full in the face and dropped her to the floor. The three rose to their feet simultaneously and realized they were all equidistant from the pistol. There was a tense moment while they all appraised each other . . . and then all moved at once.

  Tarvek leapt towards the gun and was astonished when he reached it unimpeded. He rolled to his knees, pistol in one hand and cudgel in the other, to find himself alone.

  A clacking sound caused him to spin in time to see Zola snapping shut a large machine rifle of some sort, a triumphant grin on her bruised face.

  An amused “ahem” drew both of their gazes to the other side of the room where Lucrezia stood smiling. When she saw they were both focused on her, she flipped a delicate switch. Instantly, the doors slammed shut and a series or red lights began blinking. A scratchy recorded voice drifted down from the ceiling: “Hello, intruders! The blast doors are now sealed, and my laboratory’s self-destruct mechanism has been engaged. Shouldn’t have snooped, darlings, but it’s too late now. You’re going to die horribly in sixty,

  fifty-nine . . . ”

  “What are you doing?” Tarvek demanded. “Stop it! You’ll die too!”

  Lucrezia threw her head back and laughed. “No power on Earth can stop my perfect death-trap! This iteration’s death is unfortunate, but the two of you are so annoying that I consider it worth it!”

  Zola’s lip curled. “No, I don’t think so.” In a single smooth movement she drew, pointed, and shot a high-pressure grappling gun upwards into the ragged shaft in the ceiling. From high above came the solid thunk of the hook. Lucrezia and Tarvek, after a momentary surprise, dashed towards her, but Zola engaged the winch and, with a laugh, was pulled up and out of their reach. “Later, Tarvek,” she sang out. “Or . . . maybe not. Bye Auntie, I’ll be sure to say ‘hello’ to your other selves! Hee hee hee . . . ”

  And, still giggling, she vanished from sight. The two stared upwards. Tarvek looked at Lucrezia. “If she’s got that big gun, why didn’t she just shoot us?”

  Lucrezia considered this. “Well, it only shoots marshmallows, so the real question is why did she bother taking it at all?”

  Tarvek sneered. “Oh, by the way, nice ‘death trap.’ ”

  Lucrezia looked embarrassed. “That hole in the ceiling was not part of the original design! You’re not supposed to get in by tunneling straight down.”

  Tarvek conceded this and peered up again. “Well, Agatha, myself, and the others came in that way, perhaps we can—”

  A flash of light was followed by a hollow BOOM. “Blue fire,” Tarvek yelled, “She’s blown the shaft!” Instinctively, he tackled Lucrezia, pulling her with him as he dived for cover. “RUN!”

  The room shook as a small avalanche of rock crashed to the ground. A torrent of dust and smoke poured from the shaft and filled the air, spreading like a wave. Tarvek landed with Lucrezia in his arms, sheltered by a row of huge glass tubes. The avalanche of material flowed around them, demolishing and covering machines and furniture before grinding to a halt.

  Then, there was silence. For a moment they huddled, breathing deeply. Tarvek buried his face in “Agatha’s” hair and closed his eyes. Her hair was still soft, but smelled of oil and electricity mixed with stale sweat and dust. None of them had been able to wash for quite some time, and he knew he was in a similar state. Agatha was safe, and somehow that knowledge made her smell wonderful. He pulled back slightly to gaze into her eyes and met Lucrezia’s smirk as she batted her eyelashes up at him. In his panic, he had only thought of keeping Agatha safe, momentarily forgetting Lucrezia was within her. He jolted back in revulsion. “You—!” he snarled. His startled movement made it easy for Lucrezia to slam him back even farther, so that he toppled and fell through the open hatch of one of the tubes. He swung up in time to see Lucrezia shut and bolt the tube’s door, sealing him in. “Me!” she crowed.

  It was then they both remembered the self-destruct mechanism. Its patient, automated voice had continued to count down the seconds. Lucrezia looked tired. She glanced over at Tarvek.

  “Really, it would be so much easier to just kill everyone here and start over with a new calling. I could see sacrificing all the other knowledge I’ve gained, but I mustn’t allow myself to forget that one of me has been captured by that traitorous niece of mine. She is simply too dangerous.” She sighed and gingerly picked her way through the rubble to the control panel. “No, I’m afraid this body must continue to live for now.” So sayi
ng, she flipped a switch and the voice stopped in mid-sentence.

  “You said no power on Earth could stop that,” Tarvek protested, his voice muffled through the thick glass of his prison.

  Lucrezia nodded. “I did, didn’t I?” She turned to face him and a look of pleased surprise was on her face. “It looks like we’ve learned something else useful, hm? Little Zola should have known how to turn off my self-destruct system.”

  Tarvek nodded. Lucrezia was poisonous and he hated her, but he was always reluctantly fascinated when she talked about her work. “Perhaps if Zola had time to concentrate . . . perhaps your copy is able to hold some things back in the heat of the moment.”

  “Or can confuse her with false memories.” Lucrezia clapped her hands. “That is what I would do! Little Zola may not find my memories as useful as she thinks they will be.”

  This cheered her up considerably and she began humming as she cleared debris away from the tubes. Tarvek hammered at the door, which didn’t even rattle. Earlier, he had seen Lucrezia place his comrades Gilgamesh and Violetta in the adjacent tubes and they were still there, slumped and unconscious.

  “This may work out nicely after all,” Lucrezia mused as she worked. She patted the glass on Tarvek’s tube as she passed. “Oh, don’t worry, I’m not going to kill you, that wouldn’t be fun at all.”

  She sashayed over to a control box and flipped a switch. Lights slowly glimmered into existence. “Now these old mind-control devices of mine were an early effort. My beautiful wasps are ever so much easier to administer, but since you’re already there, they’ll do quite nicely.” She gazed at the row of tubes and unconsciously licked her lips. “To have Baron Wulfenbach’s son Gilgamesh and you, the nascent Storm King under my control—” she gazed down at herself and smiled “—the possibilities make me quite giddy.” Lucrezia began to chuckle, which turned into an angry squeal of surprise as she was yanked to the ground.

  Lucrezia struggled, but found her ankle trapped in a grip of iron. The battered face of the vicious construct Von Pinn glared at her with furious eyes. “What the deuce are you doing?” Lucrezia screamed. “You’re supposed to be dead!”